David Moyes' masterstroke

David Moyes will be named Manager of the Decade after his masterstroke of tactical genius, which he revealed to an ecstatic press conference this week.

“For the remainder of the season, Everton players will no longer be allowed to pass the halfway line,” the wiry ginger one explained. As a recognition of the dearth of fit strikers Moyes has finally thrown in the towel and decided to adapt a new system to suit his meagre resources.

The Scot went on to expand on the “No Way over Halfway” formation he plans to institute. “This will create a much tighter space in which Philip Neville can weave his particular brand of dribbling magic. It will also give Tony Hibbert an opportunity to test out his long range shooting skills.”

“Any attempt to increase the number of goals from inside one’s own half has to be applauded and David is going to be recognised for his outstanding contribution to the game,” gushed a Premier League spokesman.

When asked about his achievement, Moyes was wreathed in modesty “ Och, it’s nothing really. I just came up with it whilst I was in the bath. It was a real eureka moment.”