(World Cup) Draw your own conclusions

It’s always a bizarre spectacle, a World Cup draw. Firstly, there is a strange ineluctable compulsion on behalf of the hosts to make the most of this gathering of the great and good of the football world. FIFA apparatchiks and heads of state throng the hall, nodding and smiling knowingly whilst us outsiders scratch our heads and wonder what the dickens is going on.

Secondly, there is the seeming complexity of what is essentially a simple process, that of arranging 32 teams into 8 groups of 4. Simple maths and by seeding the teams beforehand it should be a fairly straightforward process but somehow there are layers upon layers of obfuscation which befuddle the commentators and general public.

Lastly, there is the crucial choice of hosts and guest ball-pickers, which is usually a mix of the obvious and then the frankly surreal. There are the people entrusted with showing us the light but more often than not, they succeed in making toes curl and teeth grind.

South Africa 2010 did not disappoint as the jamboree started with a singing troupe a collection of wholesome young adults who looked like cast-offs from a school production of Oliver! Nelson Mandela was brought in, by videolink, to convey his unique statesmanship over the affair, which he just about managed as only a nonagenerian can.

Then it was over to the hosts – French FIFA Secretary General Jerome Valcke and Charlize Theron, the South African actress. Being French, he kissed her on both cheeks and that got the audience into a ferment of sexual anticipation. In her red dress, Charlize waltzed on to stage under the misapprehension that she was going to be playing the lead in the latest gritty but glossy ITV drama about high class escorts, “Unhappy Hookers”.

Apparently she is South African but her accent was less Cape Town more Tinsel Town and she also pitched her presence on the complete lack of knowledge angle at which she was consummate, her ignorance of anything to do with football was masterful. Dizzy blonde does not quite cover it.

Tension built, not at the prospect of the draw, but at how many times the ball-pickers would kiss the lady in red. Newly-appointed football ambassador, Rt. Hon. David Beckham managed just one perfunctory peck, mindful no doubt of the mess in which Tiger Woods is currently embroiled. Beckham was the only European ball-picker and cut a slightly curious figure with his latest haircut, a hybrid of a Mohican and a Number 2, which looks as though it is not quite finished yet.

The others represented African sport at its best – cricket, Women’s football, rugby union - even a footballer and the world class runner Heile Gabriel Selassie. At one stage Theron actually had the temerity to tell Heile to cheer up! He looked justifiably bemused by this exhortation and did quite well in resisting any physical retribution.

And so despite the shenanigans of the ridiculous sideshow, the draw was eventually made and England were handed a comfortable looking group which Beckham paid due respect. There was a nice irony behind the fact that he could be facing the country that at first adopted him and his entourage so enthusiastically and then felt rejected by his dalliance with Serie A.

Then there is that massive sense of anti-climax after the draw is completed. The mouth-watering prospect of all the fixtures are beginning to be etched into our mental calendars when we realise that there will be an interminable six-month wait until the show begins on 11th June.

Of course, England are hoping to have the problem of making the World Cup presentation come 2018 if they can sort out the internal squabbling. A vision came to me during the South Africa draw of the whole Beckham family being the central fulcrum of a presentation. At least it would add some spice.

Beckham makes his mark as Crouch notches double

Peter Crouch has an impressive scoring record, having scored 18 goals in the 35 games. Over 50% is an impressive strike rate in international football and very few England players could equal that. But then you look at the quality of the opposition and you have to wonder.

The collective might of Andorra, Belarus, Jamaica, Trinidad & Tobago implies he is a bit of a flat track bully. Of course some would argue you can only beat what is put in front of you but Capello is too astute a manager to believe that Crouch can really cut the mustard at the top end.

Tonight against Belarus, in what amounted to a glorified friendly, Crouch gave England a good start by scoring inside 3 minutes but then they struggled to impose themselves on a neat but hardly threatening team.

Disjointed and disappointing, there was very little to commend the first half performance. One hoped that Capello would manage to demand and inspire a better performance form his charges in the second half. However, the second half was in danger of petering out until David Beckham arrived.

The crowd were suddenly enlivened and lo and behold Beckham set up Wright-Phillips for the second goal within seconds of his arrival. But as with Crouch one can hardly envisage the great bearded one making much of an impact against the top sides.

When Crouch scored again it seemed almost an irrelevance. Everything was a sideshow to the Beckham renaissance, he even picked up the man of the match award. Maybe Beckham will have one last hurrah in South Africa and it is more likely that he does so this summer than Crouch who will be a bit player at best.

Capello's Spanish lessons

Fabio Capello has vowed to learn from the 2-0 defeat to Spain. We are not sure how Capello’s mastery of the English language is progressing, but after England’s performance in Seville he might have to expand his vocabulary somewhat with insipid and pallid becoming useful additions. The second half, in particular, was more like a return to the bad old days of McClaren with aimless balls heading in the general direction of Crouch who looked out of his depth as he always does against good international defenders.

England started the game confidently enough with Heskey proving his value as a focal point and there was some neat but hardly threatening passages of play. Agbonlahor busied himself in the wake of his senior partner but never looked like breaking free from his Spanish markers who had an increasingly comfortable evening.

Unfortunately after their impressive performances against Germany, both Wright-Phillips and Downing were disappointing and neither offered much down the flanks. It is essential when playing possession football to have some invention and thrust down the wings, but apart from one jinking run by Wright-Phillips there was little on offer.

It has to be acknowledged that Spain are a pretty formidable outfit, now on a 29 match unbeaten run and buoyed by their Euro 2008 success they are self-assured and fluid throughout the team. From rampaging full backs through the artistry and control of midfield to the razor sharp strikers, there are very few flaws. Although inevitably much of the attention was centred on Beckham’s 108th cap we would do well to focus on the Spaniard who knits their play together so adeptly.

If you were ever perplexed why Fabregas, one of the best Premier League players, fails to make the starting line-up just observe the wonderful Iniesta for a few minutes. He has a quick mind and delightful touch which elevate him to a higher plain, exemplified by a sublime disguised pass inside Glen Johnson in the first which left the Portsmouth player very much dazed and confused.

As it was a friendly, there was the usual rash of second half substitutes but none had much impact on the tide which had been turning since Villa slipped the ball past James as Spain upped the tempo towards the end of the first half. Beckham showed he is still officially an LA Galaxy player by spraying too many “Hollywood Balls”, as Ron Atkinson used to describe those long passes, which look great but often achieve little. Lampard looked like he was pining over the loss of Big Phil and was so off key that he hardly passed to a teammate for 15 minutes.

After the encouraging signs of the last handful of matches, Capello now needs to accelerate the rate of improvement. He is the right man for this role and he will learn from the experience but he needs to be realistic about the task ahead of him. He has very little time in which to cement the advances he has brought about so far and then try to narrow the gap between genuine World Cup contenders, such as Spain, and potential also-rans like England.

Beckham's return to the US

David Beckham scored his first goal for AC Milan in late January against Bologna and sparked a further flurry of speculation that he may extend his stay with the Rossoneri. Originally Beckham committed to a 10 game loan for the Serie A club over two months during the Major League Soccer break. However, AC MIlan are sending out strong messages that they are considering making the move permanent. Adriano Galliani, AC Milan's general manager, has made it abundantly clear that the Italian club are interested in meeting Beckham's representatives to secure his services beyond the March 9 loan deadline. "We will buy him if he frees himself," Galliani says.

So will the lure of continuing to play with one of the biggest clubs in Europe and with some of the world's greatest players such as Kaka, Ronaldinho and Pato, prove too much a temptation for the 33 year-old? Firstly, it is worth considering why Beckham joined LA Galaxy originally. He has always maintained that the main motivation for joining the MLS was to generate a higher level of interest in the game amongst the American public. "The challenge is to go over there and prove to people what a great game soccer is," he said at the time of his move to the US.

Putting aside the financial implications, which although significant should not play too large a part for someone of Beckham's considerable wealth, a key factor is whether he feels that he has made a difference to the image and acceptance of soccer in the time he has been in LA. Looking at the attendances for MLS in 2008, Beckham's first full season, whilst LA Galaxy experienced an increase of 7%, the league as a whole suffered a 2% drop. So although Beckham might have been instrumental in creating a slight buzz in Southern California, he does not appear to have had too much an impact on a national scale. So in terms of his avowed objective of converting Americans he has so far come up short and the signs are not particularly encouraging.

When questioned, Beckham has repeatedly asserted that he intends to return to Galaxy. But in one of his latest statements he leaves the issue open to interpretation. "The contract and the agreement is that I'll go back to LA in March. I'm going to enjoy it (his spell with AC Milan) up until then and we'll see." The determining factor in his decision will probably be based on professional pride and where he will be best served in extending his England career. If he returns to the MLS he may jeopardise his chances of staying in Capello's thoughts as he continues to build his team in preparation for 2010 World Cup. Alexi Lalas, the former general manager of LA Galaxy, has implied there is a real chance that Beckham will stay in Milan beyond March and cut his ties with Galaxy. With South Africa just over a year away, one could hardly blame him for turning his back on the US.