It’s at times like these that I really regret our nickname. For subeditors it’s a heaven sent gift to be able to indulge in endless wordplay with Eagles, if it’s not “feathers ruffled” it’s “falls prey” and there’s always the classic “not so golden”. Those subs have been honing their fine art for a few months now as, after a succession of missed or late payments to the players, there was an inevitability over disappearing down the administration plughole.
Indeed the writing has been on the wall for a lot longer, when Simon “Tango skin” Jordan announced he wanted to get out of the club over a year ago, the only place we were heading to was the accountants’ offices, not the Premiership. Being a fan who fears the worst earlier in the season I had taken to deducting 10 points from our total and seeing where it left us in the table. Then I stupidly, naively stopped this practice as 2010 came along, thinking we’ve managed to sail through those choppy waters and now had arrived in a calmer environment.
So when my wife turned to me in the car and asked gravely whether I had been listening to the news recently, I feared another humanitarian disaster or some terrible terrorist act. Her sombre tones hung menacingly. “It’s Palace and it’s bad...” she tailed off but she did not need to go any further as I knew our fate at once. A ten point deduction was all that revolved around my aching brain and I returned to a mental calculation of the Championship table and saw us hovering just above the Plimsoll line.
It is quite a weird experience living in the post points docking world or PPD as it’s better known. Because suddenly, the teams you were worried about nicking the play-off place from their rightful owners are now over the hill and far away, and the radar has to be reset to the strugglers’ end of the table. So rather than fretting about Blackpool’s surge up the table, overnight that has become irrelevant and now Sheffield Wednesday’s renaissance is in the crosshairs.
But I managed to console myself that at least the timing of this draconian measure was ok. How much better it is to take it on the chin mid-season when you have a) a points tally to deduct from and b) there is time left in the season to repair some of the damage. So rather than face the start of the season playing catch-up or be docked at the end where there is no room for manoeuvre, we now just have a mountain to climb wearing slippers and a flimsy t-shirt. Brilliant.
To make matters worse if that is possible, I have been successfully luring my 8 year-old son into the ways of Selhurst Park. He knows that it’s a rollercoaster ride and there are bad days and then slightly less bad days but when I tried to explain to him the concept of administration and the finer points of the accountancy art (which to be fair is a slightly dark and mysterious one to me) he started to wince. Then when I had finished my meandering drivel on our financial and league position impoverishment, he looked at me wisely and summed it up in a few succinct words. “So we lost then.” I couldn’t have put it better myself and I tried.
Wednesday 27 January 2010
Monday 25 January 2010
Man United top, but for how long?
So after disposing of Hull 4-0, Manchester United stand top of the Premiership as of late January. Plus ca change. Well actually, this may not be the normal order being restored, but more of a false dawn. Cracks are appearing in the edifice that Fergie has built and it would take a myopic fool to ignore the evidence. All the facts suggests that Man United are on the wane and the only way is down.
Is this the moment we have all been waiting for? Ferguson’s reign of pugilistic pestilence is beginning to unravel. After all we have been waiting for this epoch for many years now. Man United’s bubble is finally, after two decades of success, about to burst. The aura of invincibility has begun to show serious signs of stress. It could hardly be a more opportune moment to revel in the demise of the great leviathan of English club football. It has been a period of unparalleled dominance but one feels it is coming to an end, and coming soon.
Firstly, there are the financial shenanigans, which are plaguing even the biggest club in the world. The Glazers issuing of a £500 million bond looks like papering over some of the cracks but the debts are mounting despite increasing turnover. The major problem is the wage bil, which rose from £92m in 2007 to £123m in 2009, and there are fewer players on the roster so the actual increases are staggering in the harshest economic times. The air is thick with grumbling and dissension as fans express their disillusionment with the way the club is being run (into the ground?).
If the finances are in a mess then the playing side is not exactly rosy. Good players have left and not been adequately replaced. Between them, Ronaldo and Tevez contributed 87 goals in the previous two seasons, one can hardly imagine Valencia and Obertan replicating this and at the midpoint of current season they had amassed 5 goals. Berbatov is a classy forward but is becoming better known for his surliness than his silky skills.
But it’s not just the exits and entries that are causing concern in the corridors of Old Trafford, the squad is looking increasingly old and frangible. Giggs, Neville, Scholes are no spring chickens despite Giggs’ remarkable fitness there is only so much time left on those body clocks. Ferguson is struggling to replace them and more crucially there is no clear successor to Van Der Sar as neither Foster nor Kuszczak are budding Schmeichels.
There is depth to the squad but injuries to key players have undermined the quality – O’Shea, Ferdinand, Hargreaves (remember him) – have played fewer games than would be expected. There is an over-reliance on Rooney who is consistently brilliant as exemplified by his scoring all 4 against Hull. But he is not Atlas and cannot carry the rest of them on his admittedly broad shoulders. He looked exasperated during the Carling Cup semi final defeat at Eastlands and no wonder. Like England there will be a wailing and gnashing of teeth if he sustains any injury.
We have been here before and Ferguson, the master alchemist, usually pulls a string of rabbits out of his bobble hat. But the traditional January surge is not powering up and their sloppy Cup performances are maybe an indication that the good ship Fergie is listing. His recent admission that he is losing patience with some of his players is a rare and perhaps revealing insight into the travails at Old Trafford.
Is this the moment we have all been waiting for? Ferguson’s reign of pugilistic pestilence is beginning to unravel. After all we have been waiting for this epoch for many years now. Man United’s bubble is finally, after two decades of success, about to burst. The aura of invincibility has begun to show serious signs of stress. It could hardly be a more opportune moment to revel in the demise of the great leviathan of English club football. It has been a period of unparalleled dominance but one feels it is coming to an end, and coming soon.
Firstly, there are the financial shenanigans, which are plaguing even the biggest club in the world. The Glazers issuing of a £500 million bond looks like papering over some of the cracks but the debts are mounting despite increasing turnover. The major problem is the wage bil, which rose from £92m in 2007 to £123m in 2009, and there are fewer players on the roster so the actual increases are staggering in the harshest economic times. The air is thick with grumbling and dissension as fans express their disillusionment with the way the club is being run (into the ground?).
If the finances are in a mess then the playing side is not exactly rosy. Good players have left and not been adequately replaced. Between them, Ronaldo and Tevez contributed 87 goals in the previous two seasons, one can hardly imagine Valencia and Obertan replicating this and at the midpoint of current season they had amassed 5 goals. Berbatov is a classy forward but is becoming better known for his surliness than his silky skills.
But it’s not just the exits and entries that are causing concern in the corridors of Old Trafford, the squad is looking increasingly old and frangible. Giggs, Neville, Scholes are no spring chickens despite Giggs’ remarkable fitness there is only so much time left on those body clocks. Ferguson is struggling to replace them and more crucially there is no clear successor to Van Der Sar as neither Foster nor Kuszczak are budding Schmeichels.
There is depth to the squad but injuries to key players have undermined the quality – O’Shea, Ferdinand, Hargreaves (remember him) – have played fewer games than would be expected. There is an over-reliance on Rooney who is consistently brilliant as exemplified by his scoring all 4 against Hull. But he is not Atlas and cannot carry the rest of them on his admittedly broad shoulders. He looked exasperated during the Carling Cup semi final defeat at Eastlands and no wonder. Like England there will be a wailing and gnashing of teeth if he sustains any injury.
We have been here before and Ferguson, the master alchemist, usually pulls a string of rabbits out of his bobble hat. But the traditional January surge is not powering up and their sloppy Cup performances are maybe an indication that the good ship Fergie is listing. His recent admission that he is losing patience with some of his players is a rare and perhaps revealing insight into the travails at Old Trafford.
Saturday 16 January 2010
Snickgate
In its relatively short life the review system has attracted a fair amount of controversy. With a few “no ball” dismissals missed here and there the pressure on the TV umpire has ratcheted up. And unfortunately, Darryl Harper has proved to be not up to the job. Having being moved out of the firing line after a poor on-field performance in the Third Test, he is now in the cross hairs of England’s ire.
In general I am a supporter of the system as if it works well it irons out any errors. However, it’s a bit more difficult to approve if it then commits further errors. Other major problems are that it firstly can undermine the on-field umpire’s authority and also teams can use it as a measure of desperation.
Hapless Harper has managed to make a right old horlicks of this in the Fourth test. How the ICC had the temerity to defend Harper’s Howler for not picking up the snick of Graeme Smith’s bat is one of those denials of spin that A. Campbell would have been proud. Forget who turned the volume up or down, it is an error and there should be a hand or two held up in acceptance of getting a decision wrong. But no, it was knocked back like a Boycott dead bat.
The irony is that they are rightly using technology to help make the right decisions but do not have the full kit e.g. hot spot, snickometer. The lack of important equipment is justified by the cost but that is pretty feeble. The mistakes made create ill feeling and take away from what has been a wonderfully topsy turvy series.
If as looks likely (at lunch on Day Three), England lose the game they will bemoan their luck and rail against the unfairness of the system rather than reflect on their inept batting performance in the first innings which will be the crucial factor.
The ICC have got themselves into a proper pickle as mistakes are being made with the review system. Someone needs to take responsibility but this is the ICC and that is never going to happen. After all the ICC stands for Incompetent, Clueless Clowns.
In general I am a supporter of the system as if it works well it irons out any errors. However, it’s a bit more difficult to approve if it then commits further errors. Other major problems are that it firstly can undermine the on-field umpire’s authority and also teams can use it as a measure of desperation.
Hapless Harper has managed to make a right old horlicks of this in the Fourth test. How the ICC had the temerity to defend Harper’s Howler for not picking up the snick of Graeme Smith’s bat is one of those denials of spin that A. Campbell would have been proud. Forget who turned the volume up or down, it is an error and there should be a hand or two held up in acceptance of getting a decision wrong. But no, it was knocked back like a Boycott dead bat.
The irony is that they are rightly using technology to help make the right decisions but do not have the full kit e.g. hot spot, snickometer. The lack of important equipment is justified by the cost but that is pretty feeble. The mistakes made create ill feeling and take away from what has been a wonderfully topsy turvy series.
If as looks likely (at lunch on Day Three), England lose the game they will bemoan their luck and rail against the unfairness of the system rather than reflect on their inept batting performance in the first innings which will be the crucial factor.
The ICC have got themselves into a proper pickle as mistakes are being made with the review system. Someone needs to take responsibility but this is the ICC and that is never going to happen. After all the ICC stands for Incompetent, Clueless Clowns.
Bush Fire
I always was under the impression that QPR stood for Queens Park Rangers but now I realise I was misguided, as it really means Quick Personnel Rotation.
One has to wonder what is next up on the Shepherds Bush merry-go-round. A tally of six (nine if you include caretakers) managers in the space of a few years makes Man City look like the model of stability and conservatism.
Chairman Flavio Briatore is not just content to be an arch exponent of revolving door recruitment but he is now bringing in some spectacularly new and exciting ways of jettisoning managers. Take the unique Jim Magilton school of departure. He pioneered the “Beat the living daylights out of one of your better players in the dressing rooms at Vicarage Road” style. An absolute classic.
Paul Hart has mastered the “I haven’t been in charge of the club for five minutes (well to be precise five matches Paul) and they get shot of me” shock to the system farewell. Followed by the original and never to be repeated “I wish I had stayed at Portsmouth” line.
Let us not forget, this is the same club that a few years ago pre- Briatore, a director, Gianni Paladini had a falling out with a major shareholder, David Morris. Mr. Morris then took the only sensible option left by getting a gang of “associates” to pull a gun on said director. Although it wasn’t that sensible as he took his action on a matchday when there were approximately 250 policemen in the vicinity.
One wonders who is next in line for the vacant manager’s seat, how long they might last and perhaps most intriguingly what novel twist in leaving Loftus Road Signior Briatore will conjure up this time round. Whatever happens it will be worth watching. QPR aka Quite Pathetic Really.
One has to wonder what is next up on the Shepherds Bush merry-go-round. A tally of six (nine if you include caretakers) managers in the space of a few years makes Man City look like the model of stability and conservatism.
Chairman Flavio Briatore is not just content to be an arch exponent of revolving door recruitment but he is now bringing in some spectacularly new and exciting ways of jettisoning managers. Take the unique Jim Magilton school of departure. He pioneered the “Beat the living daylights out of one of your better players in the dressing rooms at Vicarage Road” style. An absolute classic.
Paul Hart has mastered the “I haven’t been in charge of the club for five minutes (well to be precise five matches Paul) and they get shot of me” shock to the system farewell. Followed by the original and never to be repeated “I wish I had stayed at Portsmouth” line.
Let us not forget, this is the same club that a few years ago pre- Briatore, a director, Gianni Paladini had a falling out with a major shareholder, David Morris. Mr. Morris then took the only sensible option left by getting a gang of “associates” to pull a gun on said director. Although it wasn’t that sensible as he took his action on a matchday when there were approximately 250 policemen in the vicinity.
One wonders who is next in line for the vacant manager’s seat, how long they might last and perhaps most intriguingly what novel twist in leaving Loftus Road Signior Briatore will conjure up this time round. Whatever happens it will be worth watching. QPR aka Quite Pathetic Really.
Wednesday 13 January 2010
Hicks Tricks Ricks
Hicks Junior was clearly absent when the customer care seminar was held at Anfield. If he had been there he might have picked up a couple of do’s and dont’s. In the latter category calling a supporter fuckface would have been fairly high up the list. He also must have missed the bit about “the customer is always right” and treat everyone with due respect.
The Hicks family were not exactly flavour of the month on Merseyside beforehand and young Hicks has not helped their cause. One can only shiver at the reaction of a Shankly or Paisley to such crass insensitivity, stupidity, idiocy. Such a situation would have been inconceivable a few decades when football club board members were at best anonymous, and only the chairman had any visibility.
So the new world order in English football sees more and more high profile foreign raiders muscling in on a game that used to be the preserve of the working class fans and middle class owners. Only Randy Lerner, the wonderfully named but low key, Aston Villa chairman has managed to make a positive impact compared to the debt-guzzling Glazers or the ham-fisted Hicks.
But in the end does it really matter who owns our club? Of course ownership doesn’t matter per se but as finances play an increasingly bigger part in the running of the clubs, then the liquidity and leverage quotients do begin to creep into pre-match chat in the pubs around Fratton Park and beyond.
So now we have reached the point where balance sheets mean more than clean sheets then maybe it’s time, as Hicks Jnr PR might have put it, to tell football “to go to hell”.
The Hicks family were not exactly flavour of the month on Merseyside beforehand and young Hicks has not helped their cause. One can only shiver at the reaction of a Shankly or Paisley to such crass insensitivity, stupidity, idiocy. Such a situation would have been inconceivable a few decades when football club board members were at best anonymous, and only the chairman had any visibility.
So the new world order in English football sees more and more high profile foreign raiders muscling in on a game that used to be the preserve of the working class fans and middle class owners. Only Randy Lerner, the wonderfully named but low key, Aston Villa chairman has managed to make a positive impact compared to the debt-guzzling Glazers or the ham-fisted Hicks.
But in the end does it really matter who owns our club? Of course ownership doesn’t matter per se but as finances play an increasingly bigger part in the running of the clubs, then the liquidity and leverage quotients do begin to creep into pre-match chat in the pubs around Fratton Park and beyond.
So now we have reached the point where balance sheets mean more than clean sheets then maybe it’s time, as Hicks Jnr PR might have put it, to tell football “to go to hell”.
Friday 8 January 2010
England's Great Escape - Part Two
It certainly makes for an exciting and dramatic diversion from the bleak midwinter we are currently enduring, but if I have to listen to any more last wicket heroics from G. Onions & Co. I’m not sure that my heart will be able to withstand the pressure. The euphoria of relief in England’s hairy escapology in the First and Third Tests against South Africa outweighs the pleasure in the convincing innings victory in Durban.
The crucial element in any sporting delight is the joy of the unexpected and when the result is not known until the last possible moment. However laudable and merited the Second Test win proved to be, the game had none of the excruciating tension of the drawn matches when serenity gave way to danger and potential failure with such alacrity that a loss seemed inevitable on both occasions. It is the strange and perverse nature of sport that the pleasure derived from two draws outweighs that of a convincing victory.
But none of the tense heroics of the late order batsmen or the stoic partnership of Bell and Collingwood would have been required if one of the top order batsman had not failed so dismally at Cape Town. Kevin Pietersen is quickly becoming a liability to this England team with his show pony (or should that be stallion) antics; his disregard of the team’s cause is at odds with his teammates. He is undoubtedly one of the most talented players in the world and can dominate any bowling attack when well established.
At the moment he is being picked solely on reputation and certainly not on form nor spirit as his contribution to the team in this series has been negligible. Maybe he is in the side to attract the flak of the South African public for whom he acts as a pantomime villain, and this then allows the other players to hide in relative anonymity behind his huge frame. Looking at the stats for the Cape Town test Pietersen lasted a grand total of 24 balls and amassed 6 runs. When what was required was crease occupation and accumulation he achieved neither.
He was the worst performing of all the top order batsman on either side in terms of number of balls faced (24), runs scored (6) and average (3) over this test. In fact he was the worst performing batsman in all of these categories for the whole England side apart from one area – Onions faced only 20 balls but the big difference was the No.11 was not dismissed in either innings, showing admirable grit and application.
So if the final test match in Johannesburg goes to the wire I know who I would want to be at the crease if the game needs saving and we need the right mixture of character, spirit and determination and his name is not Kevin Pietersen. Would the selectors dare to drop him? It’s highly unlikely but would be justified but that doesn’t mean it will happen. Maybe he is being used as a screen for Broad’s fancy footwork or Anderson’s ham-fisted handiwork.
The crucial element in any sporting delight is the joy of the unexpected and when the result is not known until the last possible moment. However laudable and merited the Second Test win proved to be, the game had none of the excruciating tension of the drawn matches when serenity gave way to danger and potential failure with such alacrity that a loss seemed inevitable on both occasions. It is the strange and perverse nature of sport that the pleasure derived from two draws outweighs that of a convincing victory.
But none of the tense heroics of the late order batsmen or the stoic partnership of Bell and Collingwood would have been required if one of the top order batsman had not failed so dismally at Cape Town. Kevin Pietersen is quickly becoming a liability to this England team with his show pony (or should that be stallion) antics; his disregard of the team’s cause is at odds with his teammates. He is undoubtedly one of the most talented players in the world and can dominate any bowling attack when well established.
At the moment he is being picked solely on reputation and certainly not on form nor spirit as his contribution to the team in this series has been negligible. Maybe he is in the side to attract the flak of the South African public for whom he acts as a pantomime villain, and this then allows the other players to hide in relative anonymity behind his huge frame. Looking at the stats for the Cape Town test Pietersen lasted a grand total of 24 balls and amassed 6 runs. When what was required was crease occupation and accumulation he achieved neither.
He was the worst performing of all the top order batsman on either side in terms of number of balls faced (24), runs scored (6) and average (3) over this test. In fact he was the worst performing batsman in all of these categories for the whole England side apart from one area – Onions faced only 20 balls but the big difference was the No.11 was not dismissed in either innings, showing admirable grit and application.
So if the final test match in Johannesburg goes to the wire I know who I would want to be at the crease if the game needs saving and we need the right mixture of character, spirit and determination and his name is not Kevin Pietersen. Would the selectors dare to drop him? It’s highly unlikely but would be justified but that doesn’t mean it will happen. Maybe he is being used as a screen for Broad’s fancy footwork or Anderson’s ham-fisted handiwork.
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